Beware the Ives of Ouran
by TreacherousPie
Summary: Ouran left so many questions unanswered; so many songs unsung; so many pairs...unpaired. It is time to rectify this- A few song drabbles based on any and all pairings. Shuffle Challenge.
1. The Final Straw

**Hikaru/ Haruhi**

"**The Final Straw"**

**Animals – Nickleback**

In the end, it wasn't Tamaki's humiliating performance– which involved copious amounts of tears, declarations of fatherly love and mushrooms- or Kaoru's faux-depression as he sobbed to his sympathetic customers about how he 'just wasn't man enough for his brother anymore'. It wasn't even Hani's seemingly innocent comments that compared Haruhi to cake in quite graphic terms. (The metaphor using cherries had even made Takashi uncomfortable)

No, what pushed Hikaru over the edge was the piece of paper Kyoya handed him before doors of the Host Club opened.

"What's this?" he'd asked, frowning at the large figure he saw printed on the page.

"Your bill" the 'Demon Prince' said as he continued jotting down notes into his notebook (of doom).

"$1000 for the renting of the companies car, $200 for the refitting of the leather, $324 for the time Fujioka spent in your company instead for working off her debt-"

"Hey, wait just a minute," Hikaru growled incredulously, thrusting the offending paper under the Senior nose "What the hell is this? 'Refitting the leather!?'"

The dark haired boy smirked, glasses flashing.

"Well, you couldn't expect me to rent the car in the condition you left its interior. The lipstick alone was extremely difficult to remo-"

Later, Hikaru would admit that punching the Ootori heir had been a bit extreme. But as he'd told Haruhi later that night, it had made _him_ feel a whole lot better.


	2. Inner Mind Theatre

**Haruhi/ Kyoya**

Kyoya's Inner Mind Theatre

'**Please Take Me Home" – Blink 182**

Kyoya Ootori tried to hide his smirk as he watched Haruhi brandishing the peasant feather duster with deadly speed and precision. Anybody else would have felt guilty, watching a delicate female working furiously without lifting a finger himself. But where was the profit? And she had, of course, brought it upon herself.

The previous evening, after discovering that no one at Ouran had ever heard of Walt Disney, Haruhi had made the grave error of putting on "Aladdin"

So today Tamaki had decided that today the Host Club should be desert sheiks; ready to "Take his lovely kitty's on the magic carpet ride of love" – which required a bonafied desert.

After a day of random outbursts of songs from Tamaki, tears from Hani (when sand got in his cake) and screams from the twins as they rubbed sand in each other's hair, Haruhi had snapped. After scolding His Highness for being impulsive and childish, the natural rookie herded everybody from the music room claiming she needed to study.

She had, of course, forgotten the little sand problem.

The Ootori heir sniggered from behind his laptop, pushing his glasses up his nose as he shook his head at commoner stubbornness. He _had_ offered to let his servants clean the mess – for a small fee- but Fujioka had declined, mumbling something about "cleaning up after rich bastards". He should have been insulted, but for some strange reason, Kyoya didn't mind being labelled with his co-hosts. Although that may have had something to do with the very cute apron Haruhi was wearing at the moment.

Just as this thought occurred to him, Haruhi stepped back from the newly dusted bookcase and smiled. "All done, Senior" she said, hands on hips as she flashed that triumphant smile over towards the 'Demon King'.

As their eyes met, Kyoya froze. The music room melted away and was replaced with the Ootori family dining room where Haruhi seemed to be cleaning happily away, headscarf a little askew from the rigorous exercise. Phantom- Haruhi reached up to adjust the material, the small gold ring on her finger glinting in the sunlight…God, he was as bad as Suou.

"Senior Kyoya?"

The dark haired boy was knocked out of his daydream to Haruhi's worried face. Still disoriented, Kyoya focused on Fukjioka's warm brown eyes, the slightly flushed complexion, and the cherry blossom lips and decided that there was some profit he could take away from all of this.

In a moment of impulsiveness, the Ootori heir reached out and yanked the girl's arm, pulling her into his lap.

Haruhi sat rigid in his grasp and shivered as she felt warm breath in her ear.

"Can I take you home?"


	3. Her Worst Nightmare

**Haruhi/ Tamaki**

"**Her Worst Nightmare"**

**Mr Bombastic – Shaggy**

Haruhi had done a very stupid thing.

After the 'Aladdin' fiasco, she should have known not to fall for Tamaki's mushroom-growing tactics. But she really did need that cupboard to store Tupperware! And his request had seemed perfectly innocent at the time.

But as Senior Suou walked down the hall towards her, the natural-rookie knew that introducing a member of the host club to 80's music had been a very bad idea.

" Yo, Haruhi!" the creature called, swaggering towards her. The large amounts of jewellery around his neck clank as he strutted as though there was a string attached to his crotch. Platform shoes, a shirt with a plunging neckline and large sunglasses completed the ensemble – Ouran had never seen a monster such as this.

"Well Harhui" Tamaki proclaimed, roses flying everywhere as he proudly posed in front of the girl (who was trying furiously to avert her gaze from the fake chest hair protruding from his vest)

"Who are you supposed to be" Haruhi hissed, glancing around to see if anyone had seen the monstrosity yet.

The Frenchman simply flashed a grin and drew his sunglasses slowly down his nose, throwing the commoner a smouldering look.

"Why, I'm Mr Bombastic"


	4. 10 Things I Hate About You

**Kyoya/Haruhi**

"**10 Things I Hate About You"**

Smile Like You Mean It – The Killers

"Ootori-sama" Haruhi sighed as she lazed back against the his chest" I can't stand you"

Kyoya simply quirked an eyebrow and smiled, stroking her hair soothingly.

"Really?"

"Yes" she said matter- of factly as her fingers intertwined with his. "Your stubborn"

"Undoubtedly"

"Ruthless"

"Defiantly"

"Manipulative"

"Only most of the time"

"Utterly Shameless"

He chuckled. "I try. Anything else?"

The small girl twisted in his grasp and looked at the dark-haired boy searchingly.

"Your smile never reaches you eyes," she whispered, stroking the side of his face.

Kyoya closed his eyes, exhaled and leaned into the comforting touch.

" But I'm trying to fix that" he whispered back.


	5. Let Them Eat Cake!

**Hani/Mori (purely platonic)**

"**Let them eat Cake"**

**-Paramore**

Senior Takashi burst into the 3rd music room just as business had begun for the day, a tiny body in his arms.

"I think we have an emergency" Mori monotoned as he lay his cousin on a vacant couch.

Every girl in the room blinked in surprise at the scene before them – Mori, leaning worriedly over his young master, grasping his hand for comfort…

"KYAAH! DEVOTED LOVE!" came the squeal from the fan girls as they stampeded towards the scene.

"Hani!" Haruhi called, running ahead of the tidal wave of otaku and kneeling next to Mori "Takashi, what happened?"

Hani groaned and thrashed to a fro on the antique couch causing the girls surrounding him to whimper and cling to each other for support as they waited for the dire news. Would it be an injury sustained in a duel? A mystery illness contracted from his new pet chick? A death in the family?

The young samurai turned his pained expression to the girl/ boy next to him…

"We've run out of cake"


	6. Boy Talk

Yavol. Just a quick note 'bout, well…me. So these fics are the result of far too much free time and a box of brandy chocolates. No really, true story.

They are created not under the rules of this universe (stupid gravity. Also, cannon – itiy. Yes that's a word. Now.) but the rules of another – The Shuffle Universe.

In short, I put my ipod on shuffle, listen to the song, then challenge myself to a writing duel! (Spoiler alert : I always win) and try to write a drabble within the duration of that song.

Insane. No. Well, yes. But Awesome? Like the most awesome thing you ever saw being awesome…_SQUARED!_

I know. I just blew your mind hole.

Ps – These boys. Do not own. If did, would not be wasting time on computer, know what I mean ?

……………………………….

Mori/Haruhi

"Boy Talk"

Rock and Roll – Eric Hutchinson.

"Breasts" Kyoya finally said. " A pair of finely crafted breasts"

The rest of the host club blinked slowly in unison. Then blinked again.

Honey froze mid – cupcake, sighed quietly then carefully placed the dessert back onto the plate.

Mori lifted one eyebrow slightly higher than the other from where he was sitting at the window… then continued his silent observation.

Tamaki opened and closed his mouth like a sideshow clown, turning to each member and mouthing unintelligibly while the twins…well; they were the first to react.

"Senpai, you're so creepy!" Hikaru whined, grabbing onto his twin and pulling him into rather tight 'brotherly' embrace.

"Yeah Kyoya" Kaoru cried, shuddering as he hooked his leg over his brother's hip. "You're pervy. You're like that pervy old man they have in manga. You're like the pervy old man they have in manga who wears glasses and steals girl's underwear and sneaks into bathhouses. Named Kyoya"

Kyoya sighed long-sufferingly and turned back to his accounting folder "You ask me what I look for in a woman. I simply told you the truth"

"What you look for, not what you look _at_" Hikaru muttered, causing his twin to snigger.

"Hey, and what about your usual line about money and business and profit?" Kaoru added, nodding at the documents in Kyoya's hands.

The senior just shrugged. "I'm not allowed to have layers?"

"She'd have to be a famous pastry chef!" Hunni called, staring lovingly at a new cupcake and crooning to it as though it were his baked girlfriend. (Though for all they knew, it was. The boy talked to his rabbit)

Tamaki got that vacant ' Inner Mind Theatre' smile on his face, causing the others to roll their eyes and duck as roses began to fly.

"A woman who makes me a bento box each day for lunch, and always cooks little sausages and cuts them to look like octopus's, and wears cute headscarves when cleaning the house and calls me 'Father' when I come home from the office –"

"Red Heads!" the twins interrupted, placing their arms around each other's necks and winking.

Then everyone turned to Mori.

The samurai glanced at their expectant faces, and then lay his forehead against the windowpane, never letting his eyes stray for a moment from the scene below.

" A girl who lives in the moment" he murmured" Who rolls with the punches as long as she feels like she's in control. Who leaves when she wants to, but stays because she needs too-"

He paused, staring intently at something outside for a few seconds. Then Mori smiled softly, and rested his chin on his knee.

" -And who wears sakura blossoms in her hair in January"

There was silence for a few moments as each boy contemplated those words.

Then the spell was broken.

"MY POOR TAKASHI!" Tamaki cried, flinging his hand dramatically to his forehead "He's gone insane! Sakura blossoms in January! Oh, poor deluded child!"

The twins turned to each other and scoffed.

"So _boring_ " they sneered simultaneously and returned to practising their forbidden love routine.

Kyoya glasses glinted as he quickly scribbled a note to himself to add 'romantic poetry' onto Mori's resume'.

And Hunni just ate his cupcake and smiled knowingly as Haruhi passed through the gates of the school, a tiny pink cherry blossom clip in her hair.


End file.
